Importance of communication skills in interpersonal relationships

Importance of communication skills in interpersonal relationships

The importance of communication skills in interpersonal relationships cannot be stressed too greatly. An understanding of the factors that influence communication and effective communication skills are necessary in many areas of life. Of equal importance are the different types of non-verbal messages that lead to a greater understanding of communication. To be an effective communicator, you should take into consideration both the verbal and non-verbal components of messages.

Empathise

Empathy is trying to see things from the point-of-view of others. When communicating with others, try not to be judgemental or biased by preconceived ideas or beliefs - instead view situations and responses from the other person’s perspective.  Stay in tune with your own emotions to help enable you to understand the emotions of others.  If appropriate, offer your personal viewpoint clearly and honestly to avoid confusion.  Bear in mind that some subjects might be taboo or too emotionally stressful for others to discuss.

Encourage

Offer words and actions of encouragement, as well as praise, to others. Make other people feel welcome, wanted, valued and appreciated in your communications. If you let others know that they are valued, they are much more likely to give you their best.  Try to ensure that everyone involved in an interaction or communication is included through effective body language and the use of open questions.

Learn to Listen

Listening is not the same as hearing; learn to listen not only to the words being spoken but how they are being spoken and the non-verbal messages sent with them.  Use the techniques of clarification and reflection to confirm what the other person has said and avoid any confusion.  Try not to think about what to say next whist listening; instead clear your mind and focus on the message being received.  Your friends, colleagues and other acquaintances will appreciate good listening skills. 

Be Aware of Others' Emotions

Be sympathetic to other people's misfortunes and congratulate their positive landmarks.  To do this you need to be aware of what is going on in other people’s lives.  Make and maintain eye contact and use first names where appropriate.  Do not be afraid to ask others for their opinions as this will help to make them feel valued.   Consider the emotional effect of what you are saying and communicate within the norms of behaviour acceptable to the other person.

Treat People Equally - Always aim to communicate on an equal basis and avoid patronizing people.  Do not talk about others behind their backs and try not to develop favourites: by treating people as your equal and also equal to each other you will build trust and respect.  Check that people understand what you have said to avoid confusion and negative feelings.  Encourage open and honest feedback from the receiver to ensure your message is understood and to avoid the receiver instead feeding back what they think you want to hear.  If confidentiality is an issue, make sure its boundaries are known and ensure its maintenance.

Attempt to Resolve Conflict

Learn to troubleshoot and resolve problems and conflicts as they arise.  Learn how to be an effective mediator and negotiator. Use your listening skills to hear and understand both sides of any argument - encourage and facilitate people to talk to each other.  Try not to be biased or judgemental but instead ease the way for conflict resolution.

Communicate Effectively

Do not say the first thing that comes into your mind but instead take a moment and pay close attention to what you say and how you say it.  Focus on the meaning of what you want to communicate.  Aim to increase understanding by considering how your message might be received by the other person.  By communicating clearly, you can help avoid misunderstandings and potential conflict with others.  By speaking eloquently you will come across as more intelligent and mature.  Also be aware of the messages you are sending via non-verbal channels: make eye contact and avoid defensive body language.  Present information in a way that its meaning can be clearly understood. Pay particular attention to differences in culture, past experiences, attitudes and abilities before conveying your message.  Avoid jargon and over-complicated language; explain things as simply as possible. Request clarification if unclear about a message.  Always avoid racist and sexist terms or any language that may cause offence.

Use Humour

Laughing releases endorphins that can help relieve stress and anxiety; most people like to laugh and will feel drawn to somebody who can make them laugh. Don’t be afraid to be funny or clever, but do ensure your humour is appropriate to the situation.  Use your sense of humour to break the ice, to lower barriers and gain the affection of others.  By using appropriate humour you will be perceived as more charismatic.

Maintain a Positive Attitude and Smile

Few people want to be around someone who is frequently miserable.  Do your best to be friendly, upbeat and positive with other people. Maintain a positive, cheerful attitude to life: when things do not go to plan, stay optimistic and learn from your mistakes.  If you smile often and stay cheerful, people are more likely to respond positively to you.

Only Complain when Absolutely Necessary

People will not be drawn to you if you are constantly complaining or whinging.  If something makes you angry or upset, wait for a few hours and calm down before taking action.  If you do complain, do so calmly, try to find some positive aspects to the situation and avoid giving unnecessary criticism.

Learn to Listen

Listening is not the same as hearing. Take time to listen carefully to what others are saying through both their verbal and non-verbal communication.

Listening Skills “The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention.” Rachel Naomi Remen

                                                                                

Listening Skills: - Listening is not the same as hearing. Hearing refers to the sounds that you hear, whereas listening requires more than that: it requires focus. Listening means paying attention not only to the story, but how it is told, the use of language and voice, and how the other person uses his or her body. In other words, it means being aware of both verbal and non-verbal messages. Your ability to listen effectively depends on the degree to which you perceive and understand these messages.

A good listener will listen not only to what is being said, but also to what is left unsaid or only partially said. Listening involves observing body language and noticing inconsistencies between verbal and non-verbal messages. For example, if someone tells you that they are happy with their life but through gritted teeth or with tears filling their eyes, you should consider that the verbal and non-verbal messages are in conflict. Listening requires you to concentrate and use your other senses in addition to simply hearing the words spoken.

When you are listening then ……………………….   

1. Stop Talking

We have two ears but only one mouth. Don't talk, although you may need to clarify when the other person has finished speaking.

2. Prepare Yourself to Listen

Focus on the speaker.  Put other things out of mind.

3. Put the Speaker at Ease

Help the speaker to feel free to speak.  Remember their needs and concerns. Nod or use other gestures or words to encourage them to continue.

4. Remove Distractions

Focus on what is being said: don’t doodle, shuffle papers, look out the window, or similar. Avoid unnecessary interruptions.

5. Empathize

Try to understand the other persons point of view. Look at issues from their perspective. Let go of preconceived ideas.

6. Be Patient

A pause, even a long pause, does not necessarily mean that the speaker has finished. Never finish a sentence for someone.

7. Avoid Personal Prejudice

Try to be impartial. Don’t become irritated and don’t let the person’s habits or manner distract you from what they are really saying.

8. Listen to the Tone

Volume and tone both add to what someone is saying.

9. Listen for Ideas – Not Just Words

You need to get the whole picture, not just isolated bits and pieces.

10. Wait and Watch for Non-Verbal Communication

Gestures, facial expressions, and eye-movements can all be important.